Gearfuse

In a sudden and shocking move by one of the leading mobility companies in the world, RIM has announced that they will be discontinuing all of their interests in the smartphone sector and will be focusing all of their efforts on their newest product, BlackBerry Yogurt. “The recession has put a considerable strain on the fledgling mobile industry, and competing with the iPhone has just become too much for us,” an unnamed RIM executive said in a confidential statement.

RIM plans to launch their new yogurt by late-Summer 2009. Rumors suggest a sugar-free variety as well. Nothing goes better with a long day of Parkour than a big bowl of yogurt.

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I don’t think there is a doubt in anybody’s mind that this is going to be a gigantic hit. Harmonix has announced their brand new take on the music-themed video game genre, now with a Confederate twist.

Washboard Hero will feature such bluegrass classics as “Home, Home on the Homestead”, “O Me O My O Me”, and the irresistible “Possum Pie.” While only the washboard peripheral will initially be available, we can expect a wide range of hootenanny-causing instruments in the future, such as a blow jug and perhaps even spoons. Moonshine sold separately. How will I choose between this and my other favorite, Sousaphone Hero?

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Gearfuse.com, one of the finest websites on the Internet, will now become a parkour-focused website. The move will enable Gearfuse to post more YouTube clips of Frenchmen jumping across buildings than ever before. Publisher Steve Rufer said that he is “grateful we could make this kind of switch. I recently moved to Paris and can’t stop jumping over women and baguettes! It’s intense! Parkour, baby!”

All employees will now be required to wear short shorts, running shoes and a headband while writing. A live video feed will show the writer shirtless at his desk, writing about the latest parkour news available. After all blogging is done for the day, said writers will have to continuously run for three miles while hopping over obstacles in the way.

The new era of Gearfuse is upon us! Let us rejoice and run!

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