ARE YOU ANGRY? PISSED OFF? TIRED? WANT TO GO BACK TO SLEEP?
Well fuck work. This is the Smash Clock. Hit this fucking thing until it shuts up so you can go back to sleep. You’re probably hungover from Thursday night and don’t feel like doing any work, so this clock is perfect for releasing that pent up rage on.
Too bad it’s a concept. That makes me want to smash it even more.
In my younger and more vulnerable years, I owned many action figures from the hit TV show Transformers. Of course, in those years we didn’t have access to bitchin’ projector clocks with Optimus Prime’s head mounted for show such as this one.
This decapitated Optimus Prime voices your favorite phrases from the show, like “Autobots transform and roll out.” You’ll awake swearing that you, yourself are an Autobot. I’m here to assure you: you’re not. It’s $37 dollars, which isn’t bad at all considering that Marlboro Transformers are $8 bucks a pop in New York and only transform into lung cancer.
Few things in this world possess the security that an apelike creature from the Himalayan region provides. Yet, if you can’t find the abominable snowman you can always name your portable security device after it. The difference? This yeti is no myth and it just might save your hide when everything goes SNAFU.
Enter the YETI Portable Security System YT-100. This handy device is a fully self contained rechargeable battery with motion and bump sensors, 110 dB siren and high intensity flashing lights to scare off any actual yetis interested in mating with this thing. The most notable feature is its Bluetooth capability. With the YETI, you can set it up so that if the alarm trips your Bluetooth equipped cell phone will ring, notifying you of the intrusion even if you’re miles away. For $250, your security is assured. I wish I could say the same thing about the abominable snowman.
This is exactly what I need: an alarm clock that throws a tantrum, immediately awakening me from any dream I’m having, no matter how provocative. It’s the kind of clock that’d give any elderly person sleeping beside it a heart attack. This isn’t that bullshit Da Vinci Alarm clock, either. It actually tells time.
Five minutes before the alarm goes off its feet and body will start glowing. That’s your first warning that the shit is about to hit the fan. If you haven’t awaken from natural intuition or were too slow to hit the snooze button by then, a minute after the alarm goes off the clock throws a tempter tantrum. It’s almost like waking up to the girlfriend you’ve never wanted and at a price of $49.95, it’s also cheaper than the girlfriend you’ve never wanted.
Love making your life a living hell? Gotcha. This is the alarm clock for you then. The Da Vinci Alarm Clock will demand you stay awake for three hours at a time and then rest for thirty minutes. Why the odd time? Well apparently, according to lore, Leonardo himself followed this rigorous schedule. So essentially, buy the clock, become a renaissance man. Seems like a good deal to me.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been awaken out of a deep sleep when my washer or dryer goes off with that super-sonic blasting beep. It was even worse in the days where my mother and sister would do their laundry, with me, unsuspecting of the beeping, would be shocked out of my slumber.
Sure, it might be a real pain in the ass, but appliances never had a problem getting my ass out of bed, which is why I kinda see the point behind the Appliance Alarm Clocks. When the alarm goes off, the clocks will act like your everyday appliance, producing animated suds, shaking on its stubs, and making loud swishy noises. Possibly a nominee for the most extreme clocks you’ll never own? Get yours from between $17 and $20. (more…)
Clocks are one of those gadgets that we don’t realize how important they are to our lives until we are left without one. Luckily, most cellphones these days come with a clock and alarm built right in, but for some people, this just isn’t enough. Some of us need that little (or sometimes, huge) extra boost of motivation to pull those covers away from our bodies. The 12 clocks which follow are not for the light-hearted or those with high-blood pressure. These take the word clock, and bring it to the extreme.
So, without further adieu, we present to you the 12 Coolest Extreme Clocks That You’ll Never Own. Read on, brotha’. (more…)
The Japan Acoustic Laboratory is famous for their soft science research, those guys have recently started selling ringtones online that they claimed can calm crying babies. Nikkei has decided to spend a few bucks and try that out on 2 babies. First they downloaded the tone on to their mobile, then they sent it to the alarm clock by muPass. You can have an idea of how the tone actually sounds like here (.avi). No matter how stupid it sounds, Nikkei still reported that it actually worked on two difficult babies, and they both stopped crying within seconds; but over here, we might want to try this on non-Japanese babies first. –Sam Chan
Don’t you just hate it when you wake up before the alarm clock rings, feeling refreshed, see the clock and decide that you should sleep a few minutes more, and by the time the alarm rings again, you are so deeply asleep that it feels so terrible being woken up that you wish you didn’t sleep that extra 5 minutes? That’s because traditional alarm clocks do not synchronize with your brain’s sleep cycle.
By sleep cycle, we’re talking about the different phases of sleep with characteristic brain wave patterns. Throughout the night, we fluctuate between different levels of sleeping, deep sleeping, shallow sleeping and the famous Rapid Eye Movement phase (REM). What this alarm watch does is that it detects your shallow sleep within a preset time frame, say if you want to wake up at 7am, you set the time frame to be 6:40 to 7:20, then the alarm watch would wake you up when it detects that you’re in the shallow sleeping phase, but not the deep sleeping phase. As much as this sounds cool in theory, how does it work in reality? Well, the NikkeiBP dude managed to wake up refreshed enough to take a picture, not bad eh. The watch is priced at $170 in Japan. — Sam Chan
SleepTracker Review [NikkeiBP]
We know it’s hard to keep awake in painstakingly boring meetings, but wouldn’t it be great to have somebody next to you to wake you up when you fall asleep? The Japanese came out with various solutions for that, and one of them is the Nap Alarm. The Nap Alarm looks pretty much like just another headset for your mobile phone that hangs on your ear. The motion/balance sensor would be activated should your head rock forward, presumably losing consciousness, then a loud buzz will be set off directly into your ears and your ears only, so next time when your Japanese colleague suddenly jumps up in the middle of a meeting you’d know why.
If your ears are already pretty deaf from listening to iPod day and night, you can try the vibrating alarm instead, your ears should be sensitive enough. Wink wink. These Nap Alarms are only selling for $12 in Japan now, and since its release a few weeks ago, they have already been featured on a lot of Japanese TV shows. –Sam Chan
Official site [Takanoha]
