So, you have a killing spree planned for the future, but you just can’t decide on what weapon to use for the mass slaying. Allow us to suggest the FMG9 Foldable 9mm Submachine Gun. Not only does it pack in the power of a normal 9mm, but is made ultra-portable with the sleek folding design.

When the gun isn’t being used to slice through the souls of innocent civilians, it functions as a portable radio and flash light. Perfect for those long nights on the run from the authorities. Editor’s Note: Civilians are not (legally) permitted to purchase the folding Submachine Gun. The article is based on something we like to call creative license. — Andrew Dobrow

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