We meant to use AGAINST date rapists, of course, you sick minded geek you. Designed to look like an actual cellphone, the Stun Gun Cellphone is actually a self-defense weapon which sends out 800K watts of electrifying glory. We’d be scared that if we sat in a weird position that the “phone” would be activated, which would then put us on call waiting if you know what we mean. Though, our worries are unfounded as there is a safety switch conspicuously added to the design.

The Stun Gun Cellphone comes with a leather case and belt attachment for more realism and easier transportation for your strolls through the wrong side of town. A situation where something like this could help would look something like this:

Mugger: “Gimme yo money, biotch”
Smart Buyer: “Ok, let me call the bank and wire it to you” *thrust*
Mugger: *sizzle*

Mission accomplished. — Andrew Dobrow

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