A Stanford University study determined that if a virus is placed on the screen of a cellphone, 30% of it will be transmitted to other people’s hands, which soon enough make it into other people’s orifices; eyes, mouths, anuses, whatever. But that’s the least of my worries. What I’m more concerned about is that cellphones hold 18 times more bacteria than a flush handle in a typical men’s restroom.
So you have a choice. You can use your cellphone right before you eat without washing your hands, or you can go suck on a flush handle at your local 7-Eleven. Both sound so tasty. How is a boy supposed to choose?