OMFG. I was sure this day would never come. And now that it’s here I’m not sure whether I should be thrilled or if I should prepare the construction of my robot world domination safety shelter.
As you can see, the Norton Commando Transformer robot by Steve Twist is a full-on real life Transformer. In only seconds, the coughing Norton bot becomes a functioning motorcycle. You’ve gotta watch the video to believe it.
Is the world ready for cyborgs? Apparently not, as witnessed yesterday by the “death” of pop singer Michael Jackson. I have a source that was very close to MJ and word on the street is that his death was actually a CPU failure. Apparently, the model engineer Quincy Jones implanted in the 1980s, the THRLR-116 was meant for only 10 years of full-time use. After all the plastic remodeling done to keep Michael from overheating his RAMDISK and CPU, the effort ended up being a failure as Michael collapsed at his home with “Black or White” sputtering from his prosthetic lips.
Instead of a burial, Jackson’s body will be taken to a government research lab in Palo Alto, CA where scientists will conduct what’s known as a “cyber autopsy” to determine how the CPU ultimately failed. It’s a sad day for the world of pop music and an even sadder day for the world of robotics.
Why do things like this need to be created? It’s a gadget from the dreams of your 6-year-old sister. Just look at that pose. This is one Gundam in dire need of a tea party, followed promptly by an ass whooping.
If you’re a girl and you ask your Grandma for a Gundam for Christmas, guaranteed you’d get something like this.
Digital? We don’t need no stinkin’ digital! This camera is balls-to-the-wall old school. It uses that 110mm film you used to buy for cheap cameras. You know, the ones you’d win at the local arcade in the crane machine. That aside, this is a Voltron robot (the original!) equipped with a working camera. That SLR lens is just for show, by the way. Great for that Transformers 2 premiere this summer! Burn!
The laptop hub itself is enough to generate an epic “Yo Dawg” meme which would make Xzibit cry in frustration. But add in transformer functionality and you have some sort of weird meta-paradox which isn’t even worth the effort to meme-ificate.
This robotic transformer hub folds into the shape of a mini-laptop with four additional USB ports. Now all we need is four even smaller laptop hubs to hook into this transformer hub. Now that would be an epic “Sup Dawg.”
“Yo dawg I heard you like mini laptop transformer hubs so we put mini laptop transformer hubs in yo mini laptop transformer hub so you can transfer and transform while you transfer and transform.” Win.
Guess who has a lot of free time and loves toys? If you said the Dutch government, you’d be correct my friend. These dudes love to build toy helicopters, attach sensors that sniff out cannabis and seek the stuff out in fields around the country. Seriously? You guys need a helicopter to find marijuana? It’s really not all that hard. Just throw a few matches into a field, let it burn and if you smell pot, success! If there isn’t pot, well, shit. Nice work on torching a field.
So growers beware. If you see a helicopter of any sort near your property, you’d best start running.
The Shadow Caddy is helpful in that “I’m always watching you” stalkerish sort of way. Rather than hiring some lazy and pathetic pile of human flesh to disappoint you with his sub-par caddying skills, the hands-free Shadow Caddy follows you effortlessly by tracking a transmitter which is simply snapped right onto your belt.
Plus, it really wants to make sweet robot love to your sister. And to do that, it has to earn the family’s trust. RoboRape is always a last resort. It’s one of Asimov’s rules of robotics, seriously.
Do you mind that your children and grandchildren might befriend perverted robots into their inner circles? Here is an example what their childhood memories might look like.
Though I always imagined there would be less grandma-sweaters and more jet packs in the future. That’s pretty disappointing.
Being crafty is often mislabeled as a purely feminine characteristic. If that’s the case, you might as well dress me up in my best Sunday dress and strap a pair of heels on my feet because I love me some papercraft action. Your favorite neurotic droid has just landed on your project table with this intricate papercraft kit, allowing you to create a pretty accurate model of C-3PO.
C-3PO always seemed a little fruity anyway (him and R2-D2 were unnaturally close). Maybe it was the accent? Or maybe it was the way he was always trying to sneak a peek at Han’s package? Whatever. We won’t judge. We’re equal opportunity. We’re not going to hold his homorobotisism against him. He was just programmed that way. Of course, some people who are uninformed in the nature of robotics believe he has a choice.
Legs just aren’t what they used to be. Human limbs used to be the driving force behind America’s booming industry, once ushering in a new age of wealth. These days, machines are slowly taking our place on the assembly line. From a businessman’s stand point, it just makes sense. Why pay four employees for a job that a single robot could do for free?
The Chariot wearable transporter, created for both amputees and lazy mothers alike, allows humans to integrate the speed of an engine and the force of robotic steel onto thier fragile human bodies, without the need for any life-altering surgery. Traveling at a max. speed of 12-miles per hour, or about double to triple the speed of your usual gait, the Chariot might soon be in mass production in tandem with the auto-industry. Check out the rad height boost you get too, after the jumpenstein.
