Gearfuse

Oh to be young… and the child of filthy rich parents. Seriously, just the look on this privilege-faced snot’s mug makes me want to deck him. I bet he’s the type of kid who cries and whines when he doesn’t get the piece of Mario gear he wants, or “needs” is probably the way he puts it. Reality is going to hit this brat like a ton of bricks. But I’m probably just jealous.

11-year-old Oscar Bown, buried somewhere in that pile of smug “hey-Andrew-look-what-I-have-and-you-don’t”-ness, has well over 1,000 pieces of Mario memorabilia and he shows no signs of stopping his parents from buying him every known collectible they can get their hands on instead of donating that money to charity so other children can eat a single meal of bread and water a day. Just ridiculous. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Tesla made of solid gold in need of polishing. Hit the jump for a video view of the massive collection.

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This is pure genius. Get their undivided attention by feinting a show and then BOOM! Hit ‘em where it hurts. Right in their pride. From seductive stripping to possessed posturing in seconds. The look on some of these guys faces, from pure anticipation to utter fear in a split second is priceless.

It starts out innocent enough. A smiling girl gives you a coy look and begins to unbutton her blouse. And then the real fun starts. The beautiful girl’s eyes roll back in her head, blood seeps from her eyes and she attacks the camera. Cut to black. Paste URL. Instant marketing.

Gary Oak is never going to respect you. That’s just a fact of life in cartoon world. Typically once you’re an antagonist, you’re always an antagonist. But what’s the next best thing? Having him envy you. Throw on your Pokeball shirt and Gary will be begging you to tell you where you got it. No matter how smart his father is, he won’t be of much help. You know the professor has no fashion sense.

The Pokeball tee is currently up for vote over at Design By Humans. If you want to see this design hit the presses, head over and voice your vote. Prices there typically range from $19-$24 per shirt. Wearing this tee, you won’t even have to ask in order to see some Abra skin.

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What would you do if every time you walked through your backyard there was a chance that a WILD ABRA could APPEAR? I doubt you’d proposition it like this guy. But then again…

Flickr user flickering_nostalgia brings Pokemon to life with with interesting photography of Pokemon toys cleverly positioned in the rough. Snapping photos of Pokemon doing what they do best. Poke-a-ing!

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I was a little too old to really go crazy over Pokemon, but I have played a few of the games. Never got into the whole trading card thing either. I was a Magic: The Gathering guy. Pokemon cards were about a generation too late for my interest. But there’s no denying the inherent cuteness (for the most part) and the overall popularity of the series.

These amazing custom made-to-order Pokemon hoodies are hand created by DeviantArt user ChompUnchained. She sells each for about $85. Just send her a note if you’re interested. I, for one, prefer to live my life outside of a pokeball.

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Just when he had all the furniture back where he wanted it, Ash had to come along and call him out. It’s about time that Pokemon stood up for their rights as living beings and were awarded some privileges. Because clearly this whole battling thing isn’t working out.

I mean, come on. Charmander still had half a glass of brandy left and he had clearly just lit his pipe since there’s hardly any residual smoke clouding up his room at all. Why is it that every fucking time I sit down to relax it’s time to battle. Go bother Pikachu!

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The Japanese surely love their Super Mario Bros. We’ve seen renditions inspired by the more feudal days of Asian culture, but yet the culture clash continues. This time around the Mushroom Kingdom has been anime-tized.

Basically, if Super Mario and Pokemon switched places in some parallel universe, this would likely be the result. This concept might not have been too far off though considering that Mario was developed by a Japanese company. Hell, it was created by a Japanese man. The anime style might have been one of their more viable options.

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MEWTWO cast ETERNAL HUMILIATION! Rejoice in the fact that you are less desperate than this guy on Chatroulette, who desperately attempts to seduce a costumed human (we assume) of unknown gender to display their mammaries which may or may not even exist. Dude, you do know there’s porn on the internet, right?

No Pokemon were hurt in the making of this post. At least not permanently. Mewtwo’s pride might be shattered, but that’s about the extent of the damage.

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YouTube user Freestuff9er and the world of Pokemon take on The Lonely Planet and T-Pain’s much-beloved parody rap “I’m On A Boat” and Poke-fy it. “I’m Gary Oak” is the hip-hop odyssey of the arch-nemesis of Ash Ketchum and grandson of Professor Oak, Gary muthafuckin’ Oak.

By the way, I totally knew Misty got around. Her, with that come hither stare. So coy. But you can tell, she’s a total Muk fiend.

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The Big Picture recently took on a rather interesting topic – world record holders. Among those 30 odd photos, this image of Pokemon collection record holder Lisa Courtney instantly caught my eye. Not only does this girl go beyond geekiness and beyond fangirlism, but she delves into the nether regions of obsessiveness. 12,113 pieces of Pokemon memorabilia. And that number has surely grown since it was last tallied.

Here she lays, sprawled in a sea of Pokemon plush, an ocean of fanaticism which borders on the psychotic. This sort of crazy takes focus and determination. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a river of retro watches to swim through.

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